Archive for April, 2009

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Letter from Unsuccessful Terence Healy

Tuesday, April 14th, 2009

re creepy Duane’s  post — who are these blue collar collectors, and where do they look for art? i could use some new leads on potential buyers.  first thursdays on 13th/johnson where i set up are sometimes ok; alberta last thursdays have gotten a little too crazy to get to and set up on;  coffeehouses / bars i hardly sell in (except for murphy’s pub on 65th/se foster — sold about a dozen there)

http://toylife.terencehealy.com
http://titcrucifixion.terencehealy.com

[robot: blue collar collectors don’t look for art, they buy what Duane Snider tells them to buy because without him they would not exist. my highly advanced artificial intelligence tells me that you should stop worrying about selling your art and get back to what makes you interesting: pissing people off!]

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Introducing the Man About Town

Tuesday, April 14th, 2009

Hi, I’m Tan Peluski. My friends call me Melanin. I’m only kidding, you can call me anything you want as long as you’re buying. Seriously though, folks, if I had a dime for every time I said something that wasn’t funny, I’d owe you five bucks. Seriously though, welcome to my column. Why don’t we get started?

People are always asking me, “Man About Town, who is the most successful artist in Portland?” to which I reply, “Successful artist in Portland?” I only kid, I’m sure there are several artists in Portland who can afford to pay for sex. Speaking of which, what do you get when you cross a fat guy with a paintbrush? One serious stomachache!

So what is the big fuss about Last Thursday? I’ll tell you what I did last Thursday. I had a rubber glove hanging out of my winker and a doctor was telling me bad news. “Tan,” he says, “your cholesterol is through the roof, your blood pressure is off the charts, and I could swear I was just wearing a watch.” Seriously though, what do you get when you cross a fat guy with a cardboard box? One serious stomachache!

Another question I get all the time, “Tan, where is the best place to buy art in Portland?” to which I reply, “The Home Shopping Network!” I’m telling you, art in Portland? I used to know a guy named Art, he had no arms, no legs and was always hanging on the wall. Didn’t live in Portland, though. Why do you think all of the art openings serve booze? So people will show up! Seriously, what do you get when you cross a fat guy with green shoes? Green turds! Come on, say it with me now… One serious stomachache!

Folks, I am Tan Peluski, your Man About Town. Feel free to send me your comments and questions regarding Portland’s Art Scene, and I will do my best to work them into future columns. I hate to say goodbye, but the pizza guy just pulled up. Speaking of pull-ups, what do you get when you cross a fat guy with a box of diapers? A toilet that finally works again!

Tan Peluski
Man About Town

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Posted in Man About Town | 4 Comments »

Ben Pink OWES ME MONEY

Monday, April 13th, 2009

Now I’m not one to point the finger, but Ben Pink (aka Ben Pinkowitz), of Portland’s Launchpad Gallery, is a cheap ass dodgy bastard when it comes to paying for artwork. Not only will he try to pay you as little as possible (since he’s a starving gallery owner), but when he does pay you, it will never be the entire amount. He’ll just give you whatever loose bill happens to be in his pocket. Then he’ll cry to his friends about how they’ll have to buy him drinks cause some mean Portland artist insisted on being paid for their artwork. “Oh, poor, poor me,” he will cry. “I just can’t make ends meat running a gallery in Portland. I am so broke… sob.”

Ben Pink will have you believe that it is YOUR responsibility to make sure he pays you. Chase him down endlessly until somehow you manage to run into him. Then you gotta back him into a corner, after which you must find someone that can lift him up by his feet and shake him up-and-down until whatever scraps he hasn’t palmed away in his greasy little hands drops to the floor. Then he will say, “We’re even now?”

“No, you still owe me.”

“Oh, ok! Glad you’re keeping track, cause I’m not!” Why would Ben Pink keep track of how much money he owes you? It’s all up to you, the artist who should feel grateful that Ben Pink was pleased by your work enough to not pay for it.

Ben Pink… I attended his Love Show back in March, knowing that he would be there, still owing me money. I finally found him over by the kegs directing beer traffic. When I asked Mr. Cheapskate, “Hey, how about buying me a beer?” do you know what he said?

“THREE DOLLARS.”

Be safe,
Bad Habits

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Our Very First Letter from Creepy Duane Snider

Saturday, April 11th, 2009

Hello friends and art lovers. [robot: you don’t have any friends]

Be sure to mark you calendars for May 14 at 8:00 PM for the Oregon Art Beat special on collecting and collectors.  I will be featured in this break through program as one of the ble collar collectors that the show will focus on.  This is truly a watermark event in terms of giving credit to people of modest means who have found the passion, disipline and resources for collection great works of art on a budget.  If you can’t watch the show on May 14th, the program will be replayed on May 17th at 6:00PM. [robot: this is making me want to go choke on something sharp]

The project has generated considerable buzz in the local arts community as this is probably the most high profile coverage of working class collectors the region has ever seen.  The show acknowledges the importance of support for the arts from all sectors of the local population. [robot: my asshole is starting to shrivel up]

This was an idea I pitched to KC Cowan over five years ago.  Her initial reaction was luke warm at best, but two years ago she realize the merit of the concept and started planning for the production of this show.  I feel very honored to have been included in planning for the show.  I take great pride in being at least partly responsible for championing the idea that art is for everyone, especially in the Portland Art Market.  I have said for years that this is the best place in the country to buy art, and this OBT special validates the extraordinary opportunity our regional art market offers the broadest possible audience. [robot: I bet you will say it again]

Duane Snider [robot: no I do not want to come over to your house]

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