Gay Mayor Into Decorative Art

THIS JUST IN! Portland curators have plenty of art to choose from. In the wake of our great nation’s economic [censored by Salvia], more and more people have turned to their creative talents (or lack-there-of) looking to make a buck. The market in Portland has become so [censored by Salvia] with artists and their wares, [censored by Salvia] such as Ben Pink have turned to unconventional methods to select their [censored by Salvia] artists. An anonymous curator had this to say: “I tend to make my decision based on how well I know the artist in question. If I never met them, that’s a definite no. If we are good friends, that’s a definite maybe. Anyone in between, well, that just has to do with how well they [censored by Salvia].” Then he rode off into the sunset wearing his pink unitard on his pink unicycle.

THIS JUST IN! Rain in the forecast for Portland. Several [censored by Salvia] artists were caught unprepared for the unexpected change in weather over the weekend. Artist Jon Graeter was particularly pissed off after water fell onto the [censored by Salvia] that he was in the middle of stenciling a [censored by Salvia] pattern onto. No amount of [censored by Salvia] corrugated cardboard and shopping cart parts could [censored by Salvia] his [censored by Salvia] masterpiece. “My [censored by Salvia] are ruined! What is this, fucking Waterworld? Do I have gills?” Well, Jon, if track marks also allow you to breathe underwater, then yes, you have gills.

THIS JUST IN! Gay mayor is into decorative art. In a shocking development, [censored by Salvia] mayor Sam [censored by Salvia] has declared himself to be “a fan of art and artists, especially those that decorate”. He was even spotted during [censored by Salvia] period making out with a high school senior whose call to art is creating sculptures from orally polished doorknobs. Perhaps the most influential gay man of our time, [censored by Salvia], gave me his thoughts on this hot topic, and the [censored by Salvia] had this to say: “What a fucking pussy!”

THIS JUST IN! Charlie Alan Kraft took a shower. In preparation for the upcoming holidays, the Kraft family (which consists of [censored by Salvia], a dirty sock, and Mayor McCheese) has decided to finally let Portland artist Charlie Alan Kraft eat at the Big Kid’s Table (BKT). Kraft has been waiting on the BKT list for over 15 years now–since his 18th birthday–due to concerns about Charlie’s [censored by Salvia] hygiene habits. Last week, however, in a [censored by Salvia] haze, Charlie Alan Kraft [censored by Salvia] and fell into the shower, bumped his [censored by Salvia] on the water controls, and was [censored by Salvia] touched by water. A still unidentified [censored by Salvia] ran into the room and accosted him with soap and [censored by Salvia] before Kraft was able to regain his [censored by Salvia]. The dirty sock had this to say: “I think it’s great that he showered and everything, but as far as I’m concerned, Thanksgiving is [censored by Salvia].”

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