The Mystery of the Dirty Underwear!

Oh seriously!  Dirty Underwear! I love dirty Underwear! What about dirty Underwood. Oh really now, no not the country singer but the country singee in my pants.. Really now. I was taking my eveing bath. Oh for real now evening bath…Can I laugh out loud! LOL! There we go, seriously I was scrubbing last nights excriment from my underside when I noticed a pair of dirty underwear on my bathroom floor. O.k. the floor of the gas station down the street to the office but still I use that place all the time. What a disgrace! Really now, o.k. I picked them up… I know I know. .Tan, what the hell did you do that for! Seriously though some of my drink had spilled onto them and I wanted to squeeze out what I could.. Oh really now this is nasty I know.. So I squeezed and I giant brown ice cube fell into my glass!!!!!! Really now I smiled in awe. God was looking out for me. He sent a frozen chocalte ice cube down from heaven to adorn my glass of liquor with.. What a guy, or thing or cosmic being, whatever. It was awesome, like when I said my ex wifes name while trying to find my other ex wifes box…. Oh really now speaking of box my ex wife had one but it was never hot… Oh seriously… So back to my chocolate ice cube. It ws delicious!!! Really like a summer treat! So I’m on the look out for the kind being that left those dirty underwear in the bathroom. Anyone? Anyone? Did you know it was a vessel for the lords bidding…? Of course you did1 Seriously chocolate ice cube giver send me wears, more of them my drink is getting warm and the chocolate is melting into a gooshy, mooshy sea of yummy mess. I must keep this Gin cold….

The Gruesome Artwork of Cathie Joy Young!

Man About Town, Tan Peluskie here. Seriously sobriety is hurtign me more and more each day. My liver screams into my gentiles and then I was taken from my paint with a moderate sigh of relief. Not relief from pain though as I  immediately came across some images that not only caused me pain, oh seriously and they were not of my ex wife but one does look like one of them after a night of drinking.

Folks I’m a serious the colors, the shapes, they put me in disaray. I’ve been confused and sickened for days. Where is my copy of Catcher in the Rye I feel the assasination of my liver coming on. These images have burned there uninteresting for and use of creativity into my eye sockets, no the backs of my eye sockets, seriosuly no my liver can see them. I thought at first is this some government conspiracy? Did the government secretly plant a CIA agaent into portland that is sending us messages of rebelious distaste and desire for that which is not good at all….. Oh my god, it’s true! Seriously I am still hurting, Oh my Hemroid just ruptured or was it my spleen, no I cannot sit down my hemroids are fine. Folks what are we to do. In this case much like any case having to do with my ex wives I must intertwine my article with another and end this with yet another Top Ten Things not do in Portland

  1. purchase Cathie Joy Youngs artwork
  2. purchase Cathie Joy Youngs artwork
  3. purchase Cathie Joy Youngs artwork
  4. Ever ever think of purchasing Cathie Joy Youngs artwork
  5. Ever ever think of telling someone else to purchase Cathie Joy youngs artwork
  6. Walk buy or near the Guardino Gallery until February 23rd. Why you ask? Seriously!
  7. Stay away from the Guardino Gallery people Cathie Joy Young has painting there
  8. No don not go to the Guardino Gallery for Cathie’s show even if there is free booze
  9. Drink free booze somewhere far awat from a Cathie Joy Young painting
  10. Speak of Cathie Joy Youngs paintings…

Seriously folks they will burn hole into the deepest caverns of your rectum and make you feel less of a painter after you’ve recovered fro mthe blinding atrocity of their mirad existance……

You welcome for being your savior, sincerely

Man About Town,
Tan Peluski

Art Beat with Lewis and Elmo

Lewis: Hi there, gang, I’m sitting here with Madrid artist Manolo Ferrari. He has done lots of cool paintings. Me and Elmo really love his use of color, isn’t that right, buddy?

Elmo: Elmo loves red!

Lewis: I bet you do, little friend. So let’s get this thing started.

Elmo: Elmo was born ready!

Manolo: Hello from Madrid, friend!

[robot: follow the link at the end of this article for a bad translation back into English courtesy of Yahoo! Babel Fish translator, or just click here to skip the Spanish altogether]

Lewis: Hola mi amigo. Primero quisiera decir, sus pinturas me doy una erección. ¿Cómo eso le hace la sensación?

Manolo: Hace me la sensación muy buena. Las erecciones no están como frecuentes para mí, sino agradables sin embargo.

Elmo: ¡Mi pene es brillante y rojo!

Lewis: ¿Cuántas veces usted sumerge su erección en el agua cuando usted pinta?

Manolo: Muchas veces. ¿Agua es la sangre de este universo, por qué yo no sumergiría mi erección en ésa lo más a menudo posible?

Lewis: ¿Estoy particularmente interesado en saber si las opciones del color que usted utiliza en sus pinturas, combinadas con el agua que sumerge, tienen cualquier efecto sobre cuánto tiempo, duro, y palpitando sus erecciones conviértase?

Manolo: Muchas veces.

Elmo: ¡Martillo que palpita!

Manolo: Tengo gusto del pequeño hombre peludo. Quizás él sentiría mejor debajo de mis bolas.

Elmo: ¡Amores de Elmo debajo de bolas!

Lewis: Si puede ser que sea como en negrilla en cuanto a sugiero algo con respecto a su técnica, mi estimado hombre, sería ésta. La energía y el vigor de sus erecciones juegan lo más ciertamente posible hacia fuera en la lona como un cuerno poderoso del rinoceronte que hace el amor la próstata a un canario, pero en mi experiencia, las erecciones con circunferencia algo que distancia tienden a ganar hacia fuera en el I’ d tiene gusto de frotar mi cara en esa competencia. ¿Usted tiene gusto de frotar mi cara en su erección?

Manolo: Si puedo tener el pequeño hombre borroso debajo de mis bolas, su deseo es mi deseo.

Elmo: ¡Dios, amo maricas!

Lewis: Toma el martillo en su mano peluda y la pone suavemente en su boca.

Elmo: ¿Dientes? ¡Ningunos dientes!

Lewis: Los amantes barbudos disimulaban a sus marineros en mi poder de amor de la tenencia para mi cara mientras que las erecciones despidieron del sol y de todas sus hijas. El paseo de la esperma que la gran onda de marea del chowder llenó de la carne del bebé hasta que salpicara sobre la grieta de mi disco del pelo de la puerta de atrás y emergiera victorioso en la belleza y el deseo de pegarlo en mi asno.

Elmo: ¡Cójalo en mí usted cerdo!

Manolo: Oh estimado, aparece que he dejado una marca de resbalón en su pequeño juguete rojo del bebé. Quizás usted puede ser que quiera funcionar eso a través de la colada, no, pero no todavía. Primero debo esperar la erección cuyo el mucho dar una palmada de su cara se deja para ser hecho.

Elmo: ¡Golpéeme en la carne de la marioneta con su martillo glorioso!

Lewis: La cuadrilla bien, nos ensambla la vez próxima en que Elmo y yo forzamos a bebés de las bolas de la mordaza abajo sin los dientes, mientras que hace las acuarelas con sus pequeños pies gordos del bebé por todas partes mi saco melenudo de bolas.

Elmo: ¡Muerda en mí difícilmente, campesino!

Continue on to the Yahoo! Babel Fish translation of this article (Spanish to English)  >>

The Peluski Position: Abortion

Seriously now, abortion!, What’s that? I think I’m having one right now! Oh really now, can I choose not to take a dump? No! Really now! Can I? I want to abort my liver! Is that possible? It should be cause I am in no financial position to support it! Oh, seriously Abortion is good, kids are little and can’t wipe their own asses for years, like me now. Really now, they can’t even drink! Who wants a bunch of little people running around waiting for you to wipe their asses and not even sharing your bottle of jack with you. Really now! Go abortion! Seriously..