Archive for October, 2011

Occupy Portland… Poof! GONE!

Friday, October 14th, 2011

Poof! Oh hey, hope I didn’t just scare you appearing out of a sudden cloud of smoke like I just did. I’d say it won’t happen again, but that would be a lie. Here, watch… I won’t surprise you again. Poof! Now I’m gone! Poof! Now I’m back! See, I can’t help myself. Forget that, though, I came to do a magic trick. Who’s ready???

Life is going good… Poof! Not any more! Your job…. Poof! GONE! Your savings account…. Poof! ZERO! Borrowing money from your family to file bankruptcy… .Poof! Not this time! Your wife….. Poof! Sleeping with your OLD BOSS! Your self respect…. Poof! ____ in 60 Seconds! Your ability to sleep at night… Poof! Gone! Friends buying you drinks… Poof! Support your own habit, you bum! Bus fare to get home… Poof! Spent it  all on beef jerky! Too tired to walk…. Poof! Free ride to the drunk tank! Wake up the next morning… Poof! Begging for change downtown! You see a protest, someone lets you borrow their blanket, you pass out fingers covered in orange Cheetos dust, happy for the first time in years and…. POOF! POOF! PU-PU-PU-POOOOOOOOOOOOOFFFFF!!!!! EVERYONE IS GONE! They all went home to upload photos of themselves protesting onto Facebook!

POOF! GREAT JOB PORTLAND!!!!!!

C.O.C.K. G.A.G. Brings Portland Artists and Animal Rights Together

Wednesday, October 5th, 2011

In the world of animal rights, no organization has done more for the plight of non-human animals than C.O.C.K. (Compassion Over Cruelty and Killing). As the world’s most perfect and pure vegan, I only support non-profit organizations whose message is for animal rights not animal welfare. If you don’t know the difference, then you’re probably the type of asshole who puts bacon on a veggie burger. The good people at C.O.C.K. know the difference. They know that farm animals are just hairy people who can’t talk or open a door. They know that in the peaceful world of nature an animal should never be food for another animal. It’s about rights people! Rights for all living, breathing creatures that don’t make their own food through photosynthesis. I mean, fuck, it’s not that hard to understand!

So when I heard that my old friend John Graeter is opening a new gallery this First Thursday, I knew this was the perfect opportunity to merge my dual loves of animal rights and Portland art. I will have my 100% vegan mandalas for sale tomorrow at Graeter Art Gallery (G.A.G.) and all of my profits from Thursday’s sales will go to C.O.C.K.’s campaign to end the senseless cruelty of chicken choking. I mean, even disgusting dairy eating vegetarians and the brutal Nazi’s who call themselves “omnivores” can all agree that choking chickens is sick and wrong.

So please come down to G.A.G. and buy one of my vegan mandalas in support of C.O.C.K’s efforts to end chicken choking for good. Thanks to John Graeter and his C.O.C.K. support, we may soon see the end of chicken choking.

G.A.G. Opening
October 6, 2011 from 5pm – 10pm
131 NW 2nd Ave,
Portland, OR, 97209