Knife Clown, Ice Pussy

Charles: Hey, everybody!

Munson: Here, here!

Charles: Yeah, over here! We won’t bite!

Munson: I do exclaim!

Charles: We just got back from… ART COUNTRY!

Munson: Charles, you’re not going to tell them about the…

Charles: Oh yes I am!

Munson: No, you can’t tell them about the…

Charles: Oh yes I can!

Munson: I need to sit down!

Charles: OK, Portland, are you ready for Adventures in Art Countryâ„¢ ?

Munson: I seem to be out of “punch”!

Charles quickly refills Munson’s punch glass with more “punch”.

Munson: Why thank you, chum-o-mine!

Charles sits down in a big, cozy chair covered in pillows, and begins to use his serious voice.

Charles: Last week, Munson and I heard rumors of a performance artist living in the City of Gresham. Her name is Aggressive Clown, and she has been performing non-stop for 15 years.

Munson: 15 years is a long time!

Charles: Yeah, I know. That’s why I mentioned it.

Munson: Long time! I’m just saying!

Charles: For 15 years straight Aggressive Clown has been mesmerizing Gresham residentes with a tidal wave of knife play, knife throwing, knife games, smoking while holding a knife, knife animals, knife tricks, and knife comedy.

Munson: A clown with a knife!

Charles: Remember the video where Portland artist and wildman Charlie Alan Kraft spends the first 22 seconds playing with his nipples?

Munson: Yeah, that was really gay!

Charles: Well it doesn’t hold a candle to Aggressive Clown. That was like, 9 minutes of performance art. Aggressive has been going at it for 15 years straight!

Munson: A clown with a knife! In Gresham!

Charles: So we tracked down this Aggressive Clown, right?

Munson: You can say that again!

Charles: So we tracked down this Aggressive Clown, right? (lol)

Munson: You said it again! (lol)

Charles: Munson, would you describe Aggressive Clown as being a bit unfriendly?

Munson: Rather unfriendly!

Charles: So we get there, and we’re hanging out with the crazy clown chick. The way she makes a living as a performance artist is simple. You put a dollar in her belt, and she does something with a knife. The first dollar I put in, she licked the knife and smiled at me. The next dollar I put in, she held the knife in her teeth, and got down on all fours.

Munson: Keep in mind, she was dressed like a clown!

Charles: Exactly, my friend.

Munson: Tell them about the ice thing.

Charles: I was just about to mention the ice thing.

Munson: Great!

Charles: So once I had given Aggressive Clown something like fifty bucks, things got a little different.

Munson: Fitty bucks!

Charles: She pulls out this ice cube… and sticks it in her pussy.

Munson: Puts the ice cube in her pussy!

Charles: Then she pops the ice cube out…

Munson: Ice pussy!

Charles: Then she puts the ice cube in my mouth!

Charles: The crazy thing is, the whole time she’s doing this… there’s the tip of her knife, an inch away from my eye!

Munson: Ice pussy! (rofl)

Charles: I’m just saying. To all the performance art fans out there…

  1. get $50
  2. travel to Gresham
  3. find a chick dressed like a clown
  4. give her $1
    • if she does something with a knife, continue…
    • if she does NOT do something with a knife, go back to step 3…
  5. give her the rest of the $50

Munson: You’re gonna be glad you did!

Charles: Until next time… Enjoy your Adventures in Art Country!