First of all, let me say this: Thank you to the class-act art community in Portland for doing the right thing and complaining enough to get me this job, you have no idea how tired I am of eating watered-down ketchup and saltines, as pleasant as they are if you have enough water.
Now, I know that there are really great artists all over the city that have absolutely no skills that anyone would pay them for, but it’s totally not their fault, and I don’t mean to make them jealous or anything mean like that because I have a job now and they don’t… no toe stepping here! Painting, belly dancing, and spoken word, these aren’t choices an artist makes, they are talents that they were born with. To do anything else would just be CRAZY! They absolutely have no other choice to create art ALL THE TIME even if it means they have to make sacrifices like driving a stick-shift or riding a fixed gear bike, and here’s a newsflash folks: we’re in a recession… I think I saw an artist waiting for the bus yesterday. THE BUS!
So I don’t want any of you really cool people out there in the Portland art community to think that I don’t know how super lucky I am to have an upbeat sounding last name, a really positive attitude, and basic typing skills, which are all I needed to land this gig. Apparently there was something like 4 or 5 people out there complaining about all the negativity found in this publication. Now, I haven’t taken the time out to read any of it, although I’m sure it’s all quite delightful, but because of this uproar Portland City Art has a new policy. From now on, there must always be at least one positive journalist on staff. They’re calling it “pleasant action”, and personally I am really feeling good about it.
I could go on and on about how amazing life is here in the city of Portland, but I have a strict (and dare I say slightly unpleasant) limit of 400 words for my column (counting my signature). If it gets enough positive feedback, as I’m sure it will, I’m betting that limit will be lifted by
Everything is Great,
Johnson Von Motley