I’m Still Standing!
Greetings, one and all. It’s me, Von Moltey, comang to you liv from my feeeeeeet. You see, my freinds, I can still stand and touc hthat rainbow. As god our shining light of beauty like the sun wuold say, “You can stnd motley, y ou can stannnd n ow go out and br i ngh lovce unttto the llike a butterflluy.” I realllly l ike Bbuttergflies They r colkorful and... more
tagged with butterflies, flowers, God is beautiful, hopping, Johnson Von Motley, shiny things, word count
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PortlandCityArt.com ROYAL RUMBLE UPDATE!
Folks, Ladies and hippies… Portland Guys from Eugene to Astoria… Strippers, coffee shop/bar/gallery owners, Richard Spear, Jon Motley and the city of Portland itself. After a long inner staff war with our current writers (leaving some of them limbless, some of them toothless, and one of them dead on the scene), we are proud to say that our site is back on track. As for the battle, here are some... more
tagged with Art Jeanyus, Bosom Bunny, boys eating popsicles, Chuck O. Cheese, Johnson Von Motley, Jon Motley, man on mouse rape, Merle the Magnificent, Richard Spear, Robert Brian Henry, Shaggy the Dog, Tan Peluski, transvestite hookers
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Boys Eating Popsicles
Before we kick this party off, let’s make something clear right from the start. Yeah, you wish you were me. Got it. No need to remind me. You know how I know that? Because my brother rocks packed restaurants full of hot new mom action. He’s also TOTALLY INTO LITTLE BOYS, which leaves all that fishwrap for me and me alone. What do you think that smell is, it sure... more
tagged with Ben Pink, Boys With Popsicles, Chuck E. Cheese, Chuck O. Cheese, sex with your mom, stink finger
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Always Look on the Bright Side
First of all, let me say this: Thank you to the class-act art community in Portland for doing the right thing and complaining enough to get me this job, you have no idea how tired I am of eating watered-down ketchup and saltines, as pleasant as they are if you have enough water. Now, I know that there are really great artists all over the city that have absolutely no... more
tagged with fixed gear bikes, Johnson Von Motley, ketchup and saltines, pleasant action, positivity, the bus
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Mario Robert: How Do You Say “TAKE ME TO AN INSANE ASYLUM” in Spanish?
If you were here right now, you would be wondering: why is the Man About Town sitting in a Kinko’s video conference room drinking straight tequila from a Big Gulp cup? Perhaps you would be wondering what happened to my pants. I will be the one asking the questions, though, as it is my distinct pleasure to be joined, via satellite, by one of Portland’s most celebrated drinkers and artists,... more
tagged with Brazilian whores, Caguama, Corazon Azul, homemade weapons, Kinko's, KISS, Mario Brothers, Mario Robert, Marvel Zombies, Mickey's Fine Malt Liquor, satan, strawberries, Texas Chainsaw Massacre, The Exorcist, Voodoo Doughnut, warphole rape
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John Wray is One Serious Mother Fucker
Hey folks! Man About Town here, and dear God my liver is killing me. Despite my doctor’s threats of violence if I leave my bed today, I am sitting here with none other than Portland’s own John Wray, an amazing artist and one of pinball’s true heros. This is one guy you don’t want to miss out on talking to, even when your piss is coming out purple and your... more
tagged with Crazy Flipper Fingers, ex-wife jokes, fat guy jokes, John Wray, liver problems, NRA, pinball, Poison, Sam Adams, ZZ Top
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Approximate @ galleryHOMELAND
Art: Pleasure to work with you, Tan. Your swollen red nose and beer stained shirt precede you. Our subject today is rather simpleton, we have been asked to critique a John Motley article from the Portland Mercury, a darling little publication worth its’ weight in soiled bedsheets. In it he praises the collaborative installation, Approximate, currently disturbing those unfortunate enough to find themselves scurrying the hallways of galleryHOMELAND. I believe... more
tagged with Damien Gilley, Ethan Rose, ex-wife jokes, fat guy jokes, galleryHOMELAND, John Motley, Motley Crue, Portland Mercury, special ed, TILT Export
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Letter from Selfless Sam Beck
hey – are you planning to write about art at all on here? [robot: no, we chose the name Portland City Art to intentionally mislead our readers…] i’ve been thinking that there should be reviews somewhere (the internet seems like a decent place) that just spell out explicitly which shows totally suck. you know, so you don’t have to go to them. maybe some kind of chart – either “this... more
tagged with art shows, robot, Sam Beck
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Art Teacher Interview
Question: How does it feel to be teaching children the building blocks for the most unsuccessful and unnecessary career in the world? Answer: Great, asshole. Q: I’m only kidding. Seriously, though… so you’re teaching our kids to be losers? A: No. Q: What do you get when you cross a fat guy with a bunch of suburban art students? A: I don’t know… Is this a real interview? Q: Coffee... more
tagged with art teacher, ex-wife jokes, fat guy jokes, female orgasm, Star Trek
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