Babies: Give Vegan a Chance, No a REAL Chance.
It has come to the attention of I, the Hippie Jesus, that there is a disgruntled baby who regularly posts on this page and he has recently taken to making disparaging remarks about myself, veganism and vegan food. Although I will not engage in a written debate with a baby, this does bring to light a serious topic on which I have been meaning to expound: the filthy practice of... more
tagged with babies, breasts, cows, dairy, diarrhea, milk, rebuttal, spit, tree sits, Veganism
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How to Keep From Starving as an Artist in Portland
Hard to believe I am still here feeding you cool cats the “real deal” on such a regular basis–that means I do it a lot. Times are hard out on the streets of Portland, especially as an artist. I mean, I get it, gang. We can’t all master the bio-rhythms of eight dimensions while shaving with our minds. I had to rough it once, I did half an hour in... more
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Around the Mayor’s Waist in Sixty Seconds
Good evening, Portland! Salvia Darling here, coming to you live from the side of the Willamette River. I would tell you which side, but as heartache starts to become a widespread epidemic amongst my young, female anchor-groupies, I have set my cloaking device to engage. This just in! the Mayor could stand to lose some weight! The Mayor was spotted recently at a Jenny Craig seminar, and was thought to... more
tagged with Caligula, class system, Corey Haim, fame, hip-meat, homeless people, Jenny Craig, Portland Police shootings, Sam Adams, story problems featuring condoms
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The Mystery of the Dirty Underwear!
Oh seriously! Dirty Underwear! I love dirty Underwear! What about dirty Underwood. Oh really now, no not the country singer but the country singee in my pants.. Really now. I was taking my eveing bath. Oh for real now evening bath…Can I laugh out loud! LOL! There we go, seriously I was scrubbing last nights excriment from my underside when I noticed a pair of dirty underwear on my bathroom... more
tagged with chocolate, comedy, dirty underwear, god, news in portland oregon, painting, portland art, Portland City Art (.org), Portland Mercury, portland oregon, whiskey
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Drama in the Office
Rumor has it drama is spreading across the portland art scene, spreading like a thick buttery substance that often gets spread over the mountainous ripples of my backside. If rumors are true then soon Portland could be witness to it’s own cosmic implosion of artistic butt cheese. Recently while heading up from the basement of well known art non profit group that has a strong hold on the scene I... more
tagged with Art Jeanyus, butts, candy, Chris Haberman, conspiracy, portland art, Portland City Art (.org), Sam Adams, Tan Peluski, twinkies, underwear
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Ooohhh hewwoh, A Weeeaawy goooood awticle.
My name is a Ohara-Ohara-Ohara spewwed Ohara-Ohara-Ohara pwonounced Ohawa-Ohawa-Ohawa. I am witing a new cowumn fow these guys and it is going to be a weeeaaawy weeeaawy goooooooood. Me going to talk about technowogy. Fun new items that are happening in the wewold. I be taking those items and puwwing them apawt then putting them togethew…… Then I be tewwing you allllllllllllllll about it…… It be a soooooopa fun ting... more
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Baby mad! Baby not like Hippie Jesus!
Me Baby! Me not like Hippie Jesus, Hippie Jesus vegan. Icky Poo! Vegan food tastes like doo doo. Me Baby, Me hope Hippie Jesus fall out of his tree and go splat on Hawthorne. Baby think Hippie Jesus stoopid! Ga Ga doo doo pants! Baby going to hire bad man to spike Hippie jesus food with bloody dead puppy juice. You bad man Hippie Jesus! Me puke on your shoe!... more
tagged with Hawthorne, hippie jesus, mad baby, puppy juice, vegans
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The World According to Vegan
Everyday more and more people are tossing aside the shackles of cruelty and embracing the compassionate and ethical path of the vegan, but sadly, many of them are doing it for all the wrong reasons. Becoming a vegan isn’t about making a healthier lifestyle choice or about making a minuscule, but still completely relevant, impact on the environment. Becoming a vegan is nothing short of a religious experience. Once a... more
tagged with enlightenment, karma, Murder, purity, Skinny Bitch, tapeworms, trees, vegans
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Crouching Cougar, Hidden Agendas
You, know I am just sick to death of all the pigs driving around and giving god-fearing, tax paying, Republican voting, cousin-loving Christian Americans like myself speeding tickets. This is America people. This is where morally self-righteous white people have chosen for their Capitalist Holy Land. That is all.... more
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