It has come to the attention of I, the Hippie Jesus, that there is a disgruntled baby who regularly posts on this page and he has recently taken to making disparaging remarks about myself, veganism and vegan food. Although I will not engage in a written debate with a baby, this does bring to light a serious topic on which I have been meaning to expound: the filthy practice of feeding babies from their mother’s breasts.
As a vegan, I have entered into a covenant with the animals of this planet. They know instinctively when they meet me that I am a friend. The Hippie Jesus has refrained from eating all animal related products for the past six incarnations of his life and that kind of commitment to the animals does not go unnoticed. It is as if they smell the peacefulness on me and even a mosquito will refrain from sipping my sweet, pure blood because he instinctively realized that I am on his side. Most vegans now realize that maintaining their animal purity means refraining from eating all animal products, or feeding others animal products, but some vegans, sadly, have overlooked one key area.
There are some of my brethren out there who believe that feeding babies breast milk is a normal, healthy thing to do. The Hippie Jesus would like to know how feeding a baby you’re own milky waste by-products is normal? Sure your body naturally makes milk when you’re pregnant, but guess what? It makes spit too and would you spit in your babies mouth? No, you would not.
As we can all agree that animals should not be enslaved by humans for meat or milk or even honey, why is that we allow perfectly healthy, beautiful vegan mothers to pollute their babies with this milky body waste as though they were sad, enslaved dairy cattle?
You know, I once did a tree sit with a lovely girl named Marigold who had recently given birth to her son whom she named Cas-Cannibis. Now the little tyke was cute, and it was fun to hold him over the side of the tree and let him defecate on loggers, but when it came to feeding time the whole sorry mess made me sick to my stomach. The poor mother would have to stop what she was doing at all hours of the day and night, just to pop her lovely breast in the screaming baby’s mouth. This woman was like a dairy cow chained up to a milking machine and the food she was feeding her son obviously produced a whole litany of unnatural side effects like drowsiness, flatulence, diarrhea and vomiting.
Marigold and I parted ways not long after little Cas-Cannibas was born simply because I couldn’t bear to watch them both suffer under the misguided notion that breastfeeding is a natural – even necessary act. There are so many other natural things to feed babies. Plant-based baby foods like soy formula, hemp formula, almond-rice-soy formula and raw veggie juice, for instance. There was no need for this lovely vegan woman to defile her pristine breasts with the filthy mouth of her offspring. I suspect that the baby posting on this page has emotional problems due to his diet and that is why I’m letting him get away with his thoughtless, uninformed babblings. The Hippie Jesus will take a pass when it comes to picking on babies, but he will not take a pass on breast feeders.
If you are a breastfeeding mother, you are NOT a true vegan, nor are you a feminist. You are impure and on the path to destruction. It’s only a matter of time before you find yourself back to sucking on the teat of the dairy industry. Heed my warning, so-called vegan mothers. You need only look into the eye of a dairy cow slave to truly know what side you are on.