all articles filed under Opinion...
Top 5 Reasons I’m not a lesbian
After I finally kicked my meth habit and divorced that ratfuck, Tan Peluski, a lot of ladies have been coming on to me in the check out line at the cigarette outlet store. Don’t get me wrong, I love tuna as much as the next bitch, but I’m not prepared to go chick’n of the sea for good, if you know what I’m sayin’. Believe me, I’ve thought about it.... more
tagged with dicks, fisting, hope diamond, lesbians, tuna
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Stop Crapping on Me: Toilet Violations
The people, and entities which compromise PCA, the supposed non-profit linked to numerous sex scandals and video-tape-hijacking, have been drizzling hot steamy shit down my porcelain mouth for long enough. I’m not willing to sit through even one more second of the barrel-waisted tyrants of Portland City Art squatting down over me popping shit flavored candy corn and telling me that it’s better for my teeth that way (cause I... more
tagged with Chrispy Bits, Hairy Knuckle-Fuck, portland city art, Shit flavored Candy Corn metaphors, toilet violations
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Crouching Cougar, Hidden Agendas
You, know I am just sick to death of all the pigs driving around and giving god-fearing, tax paying, Republican voting, cousin-loving Christian Americans like myself speeding tickets. This is America people. This is where morally self-righteous white people have chosen for their Capitalist Holy Land. That is all.... more
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I Wear My Sunglasses All the Fuckin’ Time $1,000,000,000,000 Bankroll Sucka!
I wear my sunglasses whenever the fuck I want, know why? Cause I’m a big deal. There might be an avalanche at any second, and my eyes will not be blinded because of that. If something happened to my eyes, since I’m a big deal, there would be a big problem. I wouldn’t be able to see talent anymore. My eyes are experts at detecting talent and genius, and that’s... more
tagged with $1000000000000, Anne John, Art Jeanyus, big deal, Bing, Jack Portland, Jenna Schneider, Jessica Belknap, Laura Russo Gallery, make-up artists, Microsoft stock, portland artists, Portland City Art (.org), skeeze, sunglasses, talent, Tom Repasky, wrestling
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Tan Peluski is a Rat Bastard
There’s been a lot of talk lately about what a rat bastard my ex-husband, Tan Peluski, is. Well, I’m here to tell you that you don’t know the half of it. Tan Peluski is the type of guy who wouldn’t think twice about fingering your grandma when nobody’s looking. He’s the kind of asshole that takes you to Sizzler for steaks and when the food comes he plucks one of... more
tagged with amazing testicles, attractive teenage girls, Crack, non-profits, porpoise on Quaaludes, puke, Santa Clause, Tan Peluski, Trailer Park Santas, Vicodin, vodka, whiskey
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All-Time Favorite Foods
Dudes, I am seriously huge. Check out them titties. You know you like them. Glowing orbs of hot man flabber. Don’t stand too close, unless you want to have an orgasm. Shit, crowds of people part like the Red Sea when I pass. I am a fucking stallion when it comes to eating stuff. Shit, a Big Gulp is like a Baby Splash for me. My urine tastes like Cheetos.... more
tagged with Ben Pink, Charlie Alan Kraft, Mike Fields
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Steve, Take That Fucking Photo off This Site!
Dude that whole article was a real fucking asshole thing to do. I work with kids at school on murals and they can at anytime google my name and find that photo. Your a fuckin dick and you need to take it off. I will, I will punch you in the fuckin face if i see you…. Asshole.... more
tagged with asshole, Charlie Alan Kraft, internet censorship, Steve Elliott
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Portland Artists = Joke
I have heard a lot of negative things about this site and have read many of the articles. I can definitely see how people can be offended by the content of this website, but people, you have to see, that is the whole purpose of this site, to piss people off. But why does it piss people off, because it speaks the truth most of the time. It mocks the art... more
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Stop Clogging Me, Charlie Alan Kraft
So here I was, minding my own business the other day, when this fat piece of shit Charlie Alan Kraft starts waddling towards me backwards with his pants around his cankles. I fuckin’ started losing it, man, cause see, I live in his apartment, and in the land of Kraft two things are accepted as fact. Chicks are all lesbians, and when Charlie takes a shit it’s like somebody just... more
tagged with cankles, Charlie Alan Kraft, condom filled with shaving cream, corn dogs, diarrhea, digestion, hot dogs, lesbians, Niagra Falls, Pabst Blue Ribbon, Space Invaders, suicide tips
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