All-Time Favorite Foods

Dudes, I am seriously huge. Check out them titties. You know you like them. Glowing orbs of hot man flabber. Don’t stand too close, unless you want to have an orgasm. Shit, crowds of people part like the Red Sea when I pass. I am a fucking stallion when it comes to eating stuff. Shit, a Big Gulp is like a Baby Splash for me. My urine tastes like Cheetos. Speaking of eating, here’s my picks for the best food products of 2009 (in no particular order).

  • Jelly Donuts
  • Cheetos
  • Cocoa Krispies
  • Mike Fields
  • Raw Sewage
  • Disco Balls
  • Coke Zero
  • Monday Night Football
  • Shooting Missiles at the Moon
  • Fake Toenails
  • Charlie Alan Kraft’s Bowl Stains
  • Peanut Butter and Jelly (hold the sandwich)
  • Farts
  • Bean Pies
  • Dr. Pepper (after it shoots out your nose)
  • Famous Amos’ Chocolate Chip Cookies
  • Fuckin’ French Fries
  • Two Dollar Bills
  • That Last X-Men Movie
  • Ben Pink, and the Hobble Horse He Rode In On
  • The Month of October
  • Salami
  • Jews
  • Bleeding Wounds
  • Wiener Dogs

The absolute best thing in the world to eat, though??? (drumroll)


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