The only photo we could retrieve of the infamous Aggresive Clown came from a Plaid Pantry surveillance camera. She is WAY hotter in person.
Knife Clown, Ice Pussy
Adventures in Art Country
Charles: Hey, everybody!
Munson: Here, here!
Charles: Yeah, over here! We won’t bite!
Munson: I do exclaim!
Charles: We just got back from… ART COUNTRY!
Munson: Charles, you’re not going to tell them about the…
Charles: Oh yes I am!
Munson: No, you can’t tell them about the…
Charles: Oh yes I can!
Munson: I need to sit down!
Charles: OK, Portland, are you ready for Adventures in Art Country™ ?
Munson: I seem to be out of “punch”!
Charles quickly refills Munson’s punch glass with more “punch”.
Munson: Why thank you, chum-o-mine!
Charles sits down in a big, cozy chair covered in pillows, and begins to use his serious voice.
Charles: Last week, Munson and I heard rumors of a performance artist living in the City of Gresham. Her name is Aggressive Clown, and she has been performing non-stop for 15 years.
Munson: 15 years is a long time!
Charles: Yeah, I know. That’s why I mentioned it.
Munson: Long time! I’m just saying!
Charles: For 15 years straight Aggressive Clown has been mesmerizing Gresham residentes with a tidal wave of knife play, knife throwing, knife games, smoking while holding a knife, knife animals, knife tricks, and knife comedy.
Munson: A clown with a knife!
Charles: Remember the video where Portland artist and wildman Charlie Alan Kraft spends the first 22 seconds playing with his nipples?
Munson: Yeah, that was really gay!
Charles: Well it doesn’t hold a candle to Aggressive Clown. That was like, 9 minutes of performance art. Aggressive has been going at it for 15 years straight!
Munson: A clown with a knife! In Gresham!
Charles: So we tracked down this Aggressive Clown, right?
Munson: You can say that again!
Charles: So we tracked down this Aggressive Clown, right? (lol)
Munson: You said it again! (lol)
Charles: Munson, would you describe Aggressive Clown as being a bit unfriendly?
Munson: Rather unfriendly!
Charles: So we get there, and we’re hanging out with the crazy clown chick. The way she makes a living as a performance artist is simple. You put a dollar in her belt, and she does something with a knife. The first dollar I put in, she licked the knife and smiled at me. The next dollar I put in, she held the knife in her teeth, and got down on all fours.
Munson: Keep in mind, she was dressed like a clown!
Charles: Exactly, my friend.
Munson: Tell them about the ice thing.
Charles: I was just about to mention the ice thing.
Munson: Great!
Charles: So once I had given Aggressive Clown something like fifty bucks, things got a little different.
Munson: Fitty bucks!
Charles: She pulls out this ice cube… and sticks it in her pussy.
Munson: Puts the ice cube in her pussy!
Charles: Then she pops the ice cube out…
Munson: Ice pussy!
Charles: Then she puts the ice cube in my mouth!
Charles: The crazy thing is, the whole time she’s doing this… there’s the tip of her knife, an inch away from my eye!
Munson: Ice pussy! (rofl)
Charles: I’m just saying. To all the performance art fans out there…
- get $50
- travel to Gresham
- find a chick dressed like a clown
- give her $1
- if she does something with a knife, continue…
- if she does NOT do something with a knife, go back to step 3…
- give her the rest of the $50
Munson: You’re gonna be glad you did!
Charles: Until next time… Enjoy your Adventures in Art Country!
Tags: "punch", Aggressive Clown, art country, Charlie Alan Kraft, clowns, cool stuff you can get for $50, exclamations, Gresham, knifes, nipple play, performance art