Orin Starr, Citizens Ashamed of The Nest

Local activist and Lesbian swinger Orin Starr leading a group of anti-rude bingo night protesters outside of "The Nest" a bar in Portland, Oregon.

When most people think of bars in Portland Oregon good times and good beer come to mind. Even The Nest, Alberta street’s hot-spot for local well dressed liberals such as Orin Starr has been known for it’s comfortable atmosphere, cheap beer, and loud music set against a backdrop of fine rotating artwork curated by local celebrity Chris Haberman. What happens, though, when a local hangout, once a meeting point for well-cologned, high-class hipsters goes south? It becomes a Mecca for disgusting, disturbing, delusional,  racist, sexist, classist and homophobic outcries of slander and distaste masked by the power of the First Amendment.

On Sunday May 8th, 2011 Orin Starr entered The Nest like he does every other day of the week, hopped up on anti-depressents and exhausted after a long hard day of customer service at a local Co-Op. What did he want? He wanted what every other person in the bar wanted that night: a beer and an atmosphere that allowed him the opportunity to peep some fresh female clam as they say. What did he get, you ask? A first hand lesson in freedom of speech! Quietly enjoying his drink, Orin and his wingman for the night couldn’t help but notice it was Bingo Night, but what they failed to recognize was the well-posted and immediately visible signs stating “Sunday night at The Nest is we get to say what ever the fuck we want bingo night”. That’s right, readers, it was Rude Bingo Night.

After listening to the guy at the microphone berate gentle folks waiting for the bathroom with malicious slanderous comments, Orin turned to his wingman (a person who intelligently chooses to remain anonymous) and says, “Fuck this piece of shit with his whole I have a beard and balls attitude, I’m gonna fuck his shit up!” Orin’s wingman, Christianly as a kitten’s vagina, chose to turn the other cheek and ignore the barrage of bingo inspired insults, and quietly sipped his or her beer. Orin, however, could not just sit by while the ears of decent folks everywhere were subjected to  such harsh and vile abuse, and cried out, “Hey dumb fuckin’ dick for brains! This is Portland! We don’t hurt people’s feelings here you fucking piece of shit!”

Unfortunately Orin had no idea what he had gotten himself into. Being that he had completely ignored the well-posted signs describing the event of the evening in clear and vivid detail, the man-bear at the microphone took this as someone wanting to play along with the evening’s festivities, and really gave Orin a piece of his mind…. (Here at PortlandCityArt.com we strive ourselves to bring you up to date slanderous bullshit without censorship ,but the words exchanged in that moment at the bar were so degrading and shameful that even WE couldn’t stomach printing them in this article…….) Once the extended exchange of poetic hate had come down from its’ inevitable climax, Orin turned to the bartender to complain. The bartender ,though, had only this to say: “Bitch, put a dick in it!”

Disgusted by the entire situation and distraught by the not so sensitive energy at the bar, Orin fell victim to the violence and unleashed a flurry of ice cubes in the direction of Mr. Rude Bingo. A fist fight soon broke out, bottles were smashed, Starr’s friend was dragged from the bar by his or her front-facing ponytail and Orin, well… he was later found bloodied and hunching over in the alley like a lump of used dog shit (as opposed to brand new dog shit, straight from the ass).

Customers at the bar refused to comment on the situation, and even Portland’s finest were not able to get a statement regarding the scene of events that unfolded that evening. Was Orin Starr an unsuspecting victim of a hate crime or just a mild mannered customer pushed to the edge of violent rage by a tasteless lower then human life form holding the mic that night? Is this what our fair city is coming to? Bars that once housed the meek and sensitive now playgrounds for dirty mouthed trash talkers with a taste for violence against she-men? Is the first amendment really that important? Did Portland lose its sense of humor? Did it ever HAVE a sense of humor? Whatever the reason, whatever the justification, Portland has failed in the eyes of its’ citizens, and The Nest is the thorn that continues to break the CIty of Rose’s back.

 

The Gruesome Artwork of Cathie Joy Young!

Man About Town, Tan Peluskie here. Seriously sobriety is hurtign me more and more each day. My liver screams into my gentiles and then I was taken from my paint with a moderate sigh of relief. Not relief from pain though as I  immediately came across some images that not only caused me pain, oh seriously and they were not of my ex wife but one does look like one of them after a night of drinking.

Folks I’m a serious the colors, the shapes, they put me in disaray. I’ve been confused and sickened for days. Where is my copy of Catcher in the Rye I feel the assasination of my liver coming on. These images have burned there uninteresting for and use of creativity into my eye sockets, no the backs of my eye sockets, seriosuly no my liver can see them. I thought at first is this some government conspiracy? Did the government secretly plant a CIA agaent into portland that is sending us messages of rebelious distaste and desire for that which is not good at all….. Oh my god, it’s true! Seriously I am still hurting, Oh my Hemroid just ruptured or was it my spleen, no I cannot sit down my hemroids are fine. Folks what are we to do. In this case much like any case having to do with my ex wives I must intertwine my article with another and end this with yet another Top Ten Things not do in Portland

  1. purchase Cathie Joy Youngs artwork
  2. purchase Cathie Joy Youngs artwork
  3. purchase Cathie Joy Youngs artwork
  4. Ever ever think of purchasing Cathie Joy Youngs artwork
  5. Ever ever think of telling someone else to purchase Cathie Joy youngs artwork
  6. Walk buy or near the Guardino Gallery until February 23rd. Why you ask? Seriously!
  7. Stay away from the Guardino Gallery people Cathie Joy Young has painting there
  8. No don not go to the Guardino Gallery for Cathie’s show even if there is free booze
  9. Drink free booze somewhere far awat from a Cathie Joy Young painting
  10. Speak of Cathie Joy Youngs paintings…

Seriously folks they will burn hole into the deepest caverns of your rectum and make you feel less of a painter after you’ve recovered fro mthe blinding atrocity of their mirad existance……

You welcome for being your savior, sincerely

Man About Town,
Tan Peluski

Things That are Hard

THIS JUST IN! Being an artist is hard. I’m talking to you guys out there, you “Art [censored by Salvia]” that are always carrying on about how things are not [censored by Salvia] or [censored by Salvia]. You are right, but if you think [censored by Salvia] as an artist is hard, check out the next incoming bulletin.

THIS JUST IN! Life is hard. So yes, you are special because you like to [censored by Salvia] around being [censored by Salvia] and acting [censored by Salvia]. Oh, poor me, I’m an artist and I can’t pay my rent. I can’t find a job. Guess what, [censored by Salvia], check out where I’m working!!! Nowhere!!! I ain’t gettin’ paid for this!!! This is free media, [censored by Salvia], I can say whatever I want and so can you! That’s not hard, but life sure as hell is!

THIS JUST IN! Art in Portland is on the rise. I almost choked on my [censored by Salvia] when I saw this headline. Guess who else was surprised? NOBODY. How could Art in Portland go any direction but up? I suppose if it had a [censored by Salvia] it could [censored by Salvia] its’ way to the center of the Earth, but we’re talking about Art in Portland. It’s in the sub-basement of the [censored by Salvia] building, people. Yes, it’s on the rise. It’s always going to be on the rise. Where do you go from rock bottom? Up, you snapperheads. Up!

THIS JUST IN! Sam Adams is still Mayor. The committee that formed to kick Mayor Adams out of office was completely unsuccessful. As a source at RecallSamAdams.com told one of our reporters: “As many of you [censored by Salvia] read in the news we came so very close to getting a recall election. I need each of you to know that all of our hard [censored by Salvia] this hot summer impressed [censored by Salvia], to the point that a group of [censored by Salvia] are now coming forward to create an [censored by Salvia] for professional campaign management and [censored by Salvia] signature gathers to work with [censored by Salvia] to reset the [censored by Salvia] on Sam Adams.” Hey, this just in, people, he’s the Mayor. It’s too late. Stop voting for someone and then [censored by Salvia] about it when you find out they are [censored by Salvia] later. He’s a politician. It’s his job to lie. If anything, next time vote for someone that is [censored by Salvia]. Vote for Tan Peluski!

Ten MORE Things NOT to Do in Portland

First I want to use the big word “Apologize” which means sorry and I say this because I have not been on here much lately. To explain every detail of my time spent else where would no doubt confuse you all and send you into mass hysteria ( Oh shit! ) I mean panic. So in short and with little words I have spent well over a month working in space on a global ( crap! )  Star wars ( shit! ) cool dishes in space that puts out messages with light to protect our planet from intergalactic ( whoops!  other places with little round balls near by like earth. ) warfare. So with all that said we can move on to this weeks”Top Ten Things Not to do In Portland” Alright folks, hippies, vegans, artists and fancy pants political icons (people who common folk look up to that stand for something they agree with.) Now!

What NOT to Do in Portland!

  1. Wear camouflage jeans outside of the woods or from under a bridge!
  2. Have a cell phone plan that is not with Cricket!
  3. Forget to apply for foodstamps!
  4. Purchase art work from Charlie Alan Kraft
  5. Date a stripper!
  6. Have a baby with a stripper!
  7. Tell people you live in Gresham!
  8. Stand on the street corner not asking for change!
  9. Actually come from Oregon.
  10. Pick up your cigarette butts!