The World According to Vegan

Everyday more and more people are tossing aside the shackles of cruelty and embracing the compassionate and ethical path of the vegan, but sadly, many of them are doing it for all the wrong reasons. Becoming a vegan isn’t about making a healthier lifestyle choice or about making a minuscule, but still completely relevant, impact on the environment. Becoming a vegan is nothing short of a religious experience.

Once a person manages to wash away all traces of the blood of his fellow creatures, the soul of that person is reborn. Being a vegan is not a way of life; it is an evolution in consciousness that takes you closer to ultimate truth, purity and perfection.

I myself have been a vegan for the past six of my lives, and I can attest to the spiritual clarity and wisdom that comes from becoming truly pure. Vegans like myself coexist peacefully with nature, like a tree lives in a forest or a cactus lives in the desert. We harm none and in doing so, we have ascended to a new level of reality.

It is no surprise that flesh eaters are falling down dead in greater and greater numbers from obesity related illnesses. The animals will have their revenge and that revenge is diabetes, cancer and heart disease! Those who consume flesh think they have the right to commit murder of their fellow creatures, but who gets the last laugh? Those kind gentle farm animals do by depositing their tiny cholesterol bombs throughout the bodies of the unpure. Wake up, murderers! Karmic retribution is on its way in the form of hardening arteries and diabetic comas!

Sadly most people are spiritually asleep and will never know the profound love, beauty and wisdom that comes with veganism. While I believe it is the duty of every vegan to enlighten the world and guide others to the path of perfection, I am primarily writing this column for those who have already seen the light. I decided that it was high time that somebody came forward and talked about the real reason we all become vegans: to be better people, better than flesh eaters and thus better than nearly everyone we know.

Vegans face so many challenges on their path to enlightenment and I, the Hippie Jesus, am stepping forward to guide, encourage and love those few brave souls ascending to perfection. There are too many blogs and books by skinny bitches out there focusing on the health benefits of veganism, loosing weight by becoming vegan or worse those that merely provide vegan recipes and self-indulgent photos of every single meal they eat. We must rise above these trivial mundane concerns and focus on remaining pure, and therefore, more evolved than the rest of the world.

If you are a vegan, I invite you to come back and check regularly for more articles on how to be a better person through veganism. I hope to cover topics such as:

How to avoid touching people who may have touched dead flesh.

Fake meats: the devil in disguise.

Living with tapeworms, our parasitic friends.

Outing faux vegans (Pamela Anderson, I’m talking to you.)

I know yogurt has living cultures, but does it have a soul?

Stay tuned in, my brothers and sisters of peace, for this and more enlightening discourse. Until then, “Namaste.”