Brothers and sisters of the ethical way, I know that we can all agree that meat-eaters, even the so-called ethical omnivore or localvore, are sadistic death mongers, deserving of hatred and ridicule. And while these people are certainly the Hitlers of our time, I actually want to write today about a group of people who are even worse than serial murderers who call themselves omnivores. I’m talking, of course, about vegetarians.
Vegetarians are the worst kind of hypocrites because they claim to love animals so much they could never eat them.
“I love animals, I don’t eat them.”
“I never eat anything that had a face.”
“I’m a vegetarian because eating animals is cruel.”
Do you know what I have to say to these vegetarians?
That’s right. Fuck you, you hypocritical scumbag. Don’t you know that egg COULD have had a face if only you hadn’t forced that sweet, harmless momma chicken to abort her babies so you could have a fucking omelet?
You say you love all animals? Really? Really, you do?! Because if you love cows as much as your precious dogs and cats, I’m wondering why you don’t get your cat pregnant and then ship those sweet kittens off to slaughter so you can enjoy some cat milk on your cereal in the morning? Huh, asshole? How about forcing your cat to stand in a cage all day, while high powered suckers are attached to her little kitty nipples and the milk is squeezed out so forcibly that a small percentage of blood and puss comes out with it? How would that be on some fucking Cap’n Crunch?
Oh, I’m sorry. Am I grossing you out? Well maybe you’d prefer some Dog Butter? Or how about Horse Cheese? I’m sure your beloved pet bitch wouldn’t mind living in a tiny cage and spending long miserable days having it’s titties sucked dry so you can make a couple of grams of Dog Butter, right? Do you think that seems cruel?
Guess what, dickhead? It is cruel, and you’re no better than the meat-eating Nazi’s. You have no right to call yourself ethical, or merciful or a lover of animals. Remember that lonely forgotten kitty hooked up to that cold, hard milking machine next time you get a hankering for cheese pizza, and for the love of God remember that all that melty, gooey cheese is nothing but pain and suffering incarnate.
Once again, we can only conclude that everybody who isn’t a vegan is a Nazi.