Occupy Portland… Poof! GONE!

Poof! Oh hey, hope I didn’t just scare you appearing out of a sudden cloud of smoke like I just did. I’d say it won’t happen again, but that would be a lie. Here, watch… I won’t surprise you again. Poof! Now I’m gone! Poof! Now I’m back! See, I can’t help myself. Forget that, though, I came to do a magic trick. Who’s ready???

Life is going good… Poof! Not any more! Your job…. Poof! GONE! Your savings account…. Poof! ZERO! Borrowing money from your family to file bankruptcy… .Poof! Not this time! Your wife….. Poof! Sleeping with your OLD BOSS! Your self respect…. Poof! ____ in 60 Seconds! Your ability to sleep at night… Poof! Gone! Friends buying you drinks… Poof! Support your own habit, you bum! Bus fare to get home… Poof! Spent it  all on beef jerky! Too tired to walk…. Poof! Free ride to the drunk tank! Wake up the next morning… Poof! Begging for change downtown! You see a protest, someone lets you borrow their blanket, you pass out fingers covered in orange Cheetos dust, happy for the first time in years and…. POOF! POOF! PU-PU-PU-POOOOOOOOOOOOOFFFFF!!!!! EVERYONE IS GONE! They all went home to upload photos of themselves protesting onto Facebook!

POOF! GREAT JOB PORTLAND!!!!!!

3 comments

  1. Chuck O. Cheese
    Chuck O. Cheese

    for once I agree. Portland, nice job protesting the system. I can’t believe even BOISE IDAHO put you to shame. aside from that, you think Wall Street screwed your life up? was it Wall Street that made your stupid ass buy a bunch of shit you didn’t need, and using money you didn’t have to get it? was it Wall Street that convinced you, who needs to save money, because daddy needs new shoes, FOUR WHEEL DRIVE SUBARU FUCKING STATION WAGONS, skinny jeans, god damned lattes, everything your stupid fucking kid wants because of the stupid fucking television in order to convince yourself that you love them, and every other fucking vice that you have come to depend on to keep you from smothering your entire family with a pillow. Do I love Wall Street? Do I support the system? Do I think life is great? Of course I do, I’m fucking successful! and I will continue to be until YOU PEOPLE AS A GROUP get off your ASSES and DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT.

  2. Cameron Dingo

    It should’ve come as NO surprise that the lazy people of Portland would jump at the chance to do what Portland does best..somehow exist without actually doing anything at all. It actually makes me sick to my stomach at the amount of people that flock to ruin such a beautiful city by feeling like they are doing something noteworthy and productive when in reality they aren’t doing anything at all. Big fish in a small pond disease seems to run rampant in that town. For all the REI clad yuppie/hippie douchebaggery that is Portland, you would think something more would’ve came out of the whole nationwide joke known as “Occupy”, but then again everyone in that town is a pussy so…

  3. Mayor Adams

    speaking of cheeto stained fingers, I can think of somehwere else I would like to lick the orange off of

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