Totally hetero WWE Champion and movie star John Cena (right) with his pal Marc.

Winner of our Junior Essay Contest

About a month ago, we tasked Portland area children with an after school assignment. Write a one page essay addressing a major misconception. Not one of them got the pun (as can be said for most of you as well) but our favorite was written by 9-year old “Kui Fucker”. Way to go, “Kui”, we think you have the makings of a future debate team member in high school. Enjoy that $8 bottle return slip from Fred Meyer’s, and try not to spend it all on toys or candy.

Send your child’s essays to for automatic entry into our next contest.

John Cena. Not Gay.

I don’t think John Cena is gay because he does not bear hug his opponents in the ring. He just kicks ass.

Another important reason I don’t think he is gay. I watched a behind the scenes sneak peek when he asked one of the Divas to go on a date with him.

I would also like to put out there that my gaydar does not tell me he is gay.

To me John Cena looks like a Greek God, not a gay monster. I think if he were gay, he would probably have picked a more gentle sport than wrestling.

by “Kui Fucker”

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One Response to Winner of our Junior Essay Contest

  1. the essay police 12/11/2010 at 18:32

    Obviously you have realized that you write about as good as a 9 year old because this is the most believable article on the entire website, GROW UP!

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