Totally hetero WWE Champion and movie star John Cena (right) with his pal Marc.

Winner of our Junior Essay Contest

About a month ago, we tasked Portland area children with an after school assignment. Write a one page essay addressing a major misconception. Not one of them got the pun (as can be said for most of you as well) but our favorite was written by 9-year old “Kui Fucker”. Way to go, “Kui”, we think you have the makings of a future debate team member in high school. Enjoy that $8 bottle return slip from Fred Meyer’s, and try not to spend it all on toys or candy.

Send your child’s essays to john@portlandcityart.com for automatic entry into our next contest.

John Cena. Not Gay.

I don’t think John Cena is gay because he does not bear hug his opponents in the ring. He just kicks ass.

Another important reason I don’t think he is gay. I watched a behind the scenes sneak peek when he asked one of the Divas to go on a date with him.

I would also like to put out there that my gaydar does not tell me he is gay.

To me John Cena looks like a Greek God, not a gay monster. I think if he were gay, he would probably have picked a more gentle sport than wrestling.

by “Kui Fucker”

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One Response to Winner of our Junior Essay Contest

  1. the essay police 12/11/2010 at 18:32

    Obviously you have realized that you write about as good as a 9 year old because this is the most believable article on the entire website, GROW UP!

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