Jason Brown’s Emergency Facial Hair Removal Procedure Puts Goodfoot Bar in Turmoil!!!

Sources have confirmed that Jason Brown (Goodfoot bar operator, music and art venue coordinator) is set to receive emergency hair removal treatment at Legacy Emanuel Hospital in NE Portland this weekend for an ongoing problem he has had with tremendous uncontrollable facial hair growth.

According to friends and family Jason has been battling with this issue for several years now. Recently he sought treatment in North Korea with Doctor Hoo Long Wie where he was the subject of a new experimental ointment that was supposed to have reduced his hair length by almost half.  Instead, the not yet tested on humans ointment increased his beard length and turned the hair a deep red while also stimulating hair to grow out of every pore on his face.

Reporters caught up with Jason as he left the Legacy Health Center for his first exam and he had this to say.

“ARRAGHHH HUMMM HUMM SHHSHHHH HUMMM SHH HUMMM BEEERGGHHHHHH HHUMMM SHHH!”

What exactly he wanted to get out is not yet known, but we expect to hear from him again as doctors at Legacy have promised a full recovery with a clean bill of health. Portland artists, friends, and family are keeping Jason in their prayers tonight as they  all look forward to a new and more formidable man / curator after the surgery.

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