Ten Things NOT to Do in Portland

Wow, Well folks, dudes and strippers we had a good run with our commentary on the art scene. I know that first sentence really confused everyone out there, so allow me to spell it out for you… on your level.

Yo! It was rad, dude. We were just rapping about Portland art. Yeah, man, that was super fuckin’ cool. After the riot/ brawl/ war that happened in our office, and with the faculty now questioning where this website is headed, we have all come to conclusion that as professionals… (whoops!) …as people with degrees other then bar hopping we have all decided we need to spread our educated skills into new realms. Realms means places. So as the website expands (shit!) I mean, gets bigger, we will be advising (damn it!) assisting (shit!) I mean holding your hands on the ins and outs, the hip and not hip, the cool and the lame (as you would say) happenings in Portland. Everything from news, weather, clubs, bands, Beer fests (a lot of beer fests) and sights to be seen. Of course, art will always be one of our major focuses at Portlandcityart.com, but there is so much more to discuss (christ!) talk about. So to kick off this new spin on one of the greatest periodicals (fuck!) things with words I have ever worked on, I will be writing my column in more bite-sized chunks. You people love top ten lists, and you shall have them. Enjoy!

THINGS NOT TO DO IN PORTLAND

  1. Keep your cat in the house.
  2. Ride a bike that has more than one gear.
  3. Respect other cultures.
  4. Drink Bud Light (unless you live in Gresham).
  5. Be sober.
  6. Have a fulltime job.
  7. Have sex with a vegan.
  8. Refuse to show your art at a bar or coffee shop (everyone does, you’re not special).
  9. Forget to apply to art school.
  10. Be heterosexual!

   
Sincerely,

Art Jeanyus
the well educated genius of contemporary philosophy and the human condition

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